The Personal Ad Lead

The one movie that every aspiring advertising writer should watch is 'Glengarry Glen Ross.'

You should also watch the movie if you're trying to write a winning online personal ad.

The movie is about salesmen peddling Florida real estate.

The most poignant - and often-quoted scene in the movie is when salesman-predator Alec Baldwin berates the sales team for lack of sales.

In his pep talk, he reinforces two acronyms that every real estate salesman should follow like gospel.

They are:

ABC

A - Always

B - Be

C - Closing

The other is AIDA

A - Attention (get the customer's attention)

I - Interested (get the customer interested in your product or service)

D - Decision (get the customer to make a decision

A - Action (get the customer to take action - buy!)

The acronyms are as universal as they are effective.

For instance, if you applied AIDA to your personal ad, here's how it would look:

Get the woman's attention with an eye- catching headline.

Get her interested in you by seducing her with your personal essay.

Get her to decide that she wants to get to know you more.

Get her to act- she emails you.

Now, advertising writers (copywriters) also follow their own sale acronyms.

You already know abut the 3-U's: Unique, ultra- specific and urgency.

The 3-U Method has been very effective in writing online personal ads.

But there's another acronym I would like to tell you about, and it's so effective and powerful, it's like giving your personal ad a shot of steroids.

It's called the SCORE system

S.C.O.R.E. stands for:

S -- Subtly sell yourself

C -- Connect with her through descriptive words

O -- Offer her a dream first date by showing her where you want to take her

R -- Reinforce that you're the only one she should pick

E -- Excited. Get her so excited that she e-mails you right away

Today, we'll focus on 'S,' subtly sell yourself.

To the untrained eye, this sounds like a pretty daunting task. So it might be easier if I show you what I mean.

Here's a personal ad we found while searching men's ads in our zip code. In fact, it was the very first ad that appeared, so a ton of women were seeing it as well.

Though the headline is run-of-the-mill and boring, he did use the most important sales word in the headline. That word is 'you.' Regardless, the headline doesn't work.

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Headline: Don't know till you try

First time doing this and do not know how to describe myself without sounding arrogant. My friends say I can get along with almost anybody in just about any situation. Also, I have been told I am charming and sexy. I do not see it, but who is complaining. I am a mature, honest and hard working person. But also, a kid at heart and always will be. You can say I am a passionate person who enjoys laughing and eating. Those are two of my favorite things to do. I am looking for someone who possesses these qualities and just enjoys life, like me. Oh yah, she needs to be cute too. Is that so wrong? I can only send out icebreakers, can't send emails.

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Now, instead of going through the entire ad and picking it apart, let's focus on what's called the lead.

According to my copywriting handbook:

'The second most important part of your sales letter (personal ad) is the hook or lead. It 'hooks' your reader into reading more. It 'leads' your reader into reading more.

A good lead will allow you to show the reader that you can deliver on your headline. You show her what's in it for her and why she should continue to read your letter after you've gotten her attention with your headline. You have to develop that interest here to be successful.

Okay, sounds simple enough, right?

Now our guy's headline is really an 'invite' to read more about him. He says in his headline 'Don't know till you try.'

Well, try what? Click on your ad?

Sorry champ, that headline is a dime a dozen. You're gonna have to do better than that.

Let's rework it. Instead of 'Don't know till you try,' let's make it, 'My $80 Challenge to you'

The headline is now intriguing enough that most women will click on the ad to see what the '$80 Challenge' is about.

Now, let's take a sentence that he's buried deep in the middle of his profile: 'You can say I am a passionate person who enjoys laughing and eating.'

Well, who among us (minus Dick Cheney) doesn't like to laugh? And who, other than Calista Flockhart, doesn't enjoy eating?

I wouldn't exactly call this guy a salesman, and I definitely wouldn't label him as subtle. But we can take what he's already written and help him quietly sell himself in the lead.

Let's mess around with his proclamation of enjoying food and laughter, and use the $80 Challenge to intrigue his readers in the lead.

'What if I told you that you could eat at the city's best restaurant (I'm talking 5-star rating) for just $20? You'd call me nuts, right? Well I'm here to tell you that I want to take you to the best unknown French bistro on the Harbor. I have a reservation for this Saturday night'

These 4 sentences are called the 'lead' or the 'hook.'

In the rest of the ad, I will weave information about myself that'll close the deal.

Stay tuned. Next week I'll take you through the 'C' (connect with her through descriptive words) as I explain our date in detail.